


Nothing Lasts Forever

by OfButtsAndBombs



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fatherhood, Fluff, Hurt Jake Peralta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:41:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24075373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfButtsAndBombs/pseuds/OfButtsAndBombs
Summary: "- I think you’re being too harsh. He's just a kid. Remember all of the stupid things we used to do when we were their age?”
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 11
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [ stars-my-darling](http://stars-my-darling.tumblr.com) on tumblr for this prompt! 
> 
> Title is from the book that the Die Hard movies are based upon! A.k.a. one of the original fifteen books that I'm sure Jake had read before he started dating Amy.

Amy Santiago is trying _really_ hard not to laugh. She's biting the inside of her cheek, she's pursing her lips, she's trying to think of decidedly unfunny things, like missed deadlines.

But her husband of fifteen years is _not_ making it easy.

Her husband, now in his fifties, lying with his head in her lap, is currently sulking like a teenager, (she would know, she has one, and two impending) as he bemoans the behaviour of their eldest child. 

(Sometimes Amy has the fleeting thought that maybe _Jake_ is her eldest child. Of course, he's wonderfully matured over all these years, but he has his moments.)

"How could he?" Jake moans. "What has my life come to?" 

"I know, baby, I know." Amy murmurs, running her hands through his curls, in a move that she knows never fails to soothe him. 

He only groans in response, and Amy realises it is time to stop only comforting him and to start actually intervening, if she wants to make him feel better. Also, it is almost dinner time and she's getting hungry. Jake has made spaghetti and meatballs for tonight- it was supposed to be a big night, the first weekend after their eldest son turned thirteen; but as was evident from Jake's reaction, the night had been a _bust._ He had been planned it for ages, but the universe had once again conspired against him, ruining his enthusiastically and lovingly made arrangements.

"Honey, I know you're hurting right now-" 

Jake's not in the mood for listening, though. "Damn right I _am_! AND HE SHOULD KNOW IT!" He yells loud enough to be heard by Mac in his room. "HE'S GROUNDED TILL HE TURNS EIGHTEEN!" 

Amy winces. Jake is _not_ taking this well. In most likelihood, Mac wouldn't have even heard his father's words, as the teenager usually had headphones covering his ears. Amy wonders sometimes if he wore them 24x7 just to have an excuse to ignore her orders to _'just do your chores, Mac, c'mon_...'

"Grounded for five years? Jake-"

"It's not nearly enough, is it?" He pouts.

Okay, now Amy has to struggle to try and bite back a grin.

Jake, with flecks of grey woven into his brown curls, glasses now a permanent fixture on his face, (ever since the contacts began drying his eyes out too much) combined with the growing stubble on his face makes him look, well, not _old_ , but definitely distinguished, sophisticated, _mature_. 

Now picture this image of a very handsome, very seasoned man, for the lack of a better word, _whining_ on his wife's lap.

(Yeah, so now you can understand Amy's dilemma.)

"Babe, I-" She hesitates, not wanting to make light of her husband's desolation. "Do we need to ground him for this?!"

"For breaking his only father's heart with his disgusting behaviour? Um, yeah, I think so!"

"- I think you’re being too harsh. He's just a kid. Remember all of the stupid things we used to do when we were their age?”

Jake scoffed. "I don't know about you, but I was a _dream_ child to parent. I made my own food, and I pretended to believe my dad when he said he couldn't come to my birthday because he had 'an important flight'-"

Amy raises her eyebrows. "Yeah, but you also got your nose pierced without telling your mom and didn't take care of it and almost _lost an eye_ , you tried to sneak out of your window in the middle of the night, you forgot to return your _library books_ -"

Jake ignores her. "We raised him right! We are good parents!"

"Yes, I agree, but-" 

"Fourteen years! Fourteen years I waited for this moment! Only to be openly mocked by my _own child_ -"

" _Mocked_? Jake, this might be slightly-" 

"Don't you _dare_ say I'm overreacting!" 

"That's not what I'm saying, Jake!" 

And she isn't. Considering Jake's overall personality, she isn't really surprised by this...meltdown. No matter how funny it is.

"I'm just saying that he is growing up to be his own person, with his own ideas, and dreams, and tastes. And, yes, these might clash with ours, sometimes, but -" 

"My child! I cannot believe it! My own child!" 

"I'll talk to him," Amy says, delicately. Saying anything else would just result in further lamenting, she knows.

"They grow up so quickly," Jake says, bitterly. "I remember when he was four years old and he loved listening to all the stories I told him." 

Amy smiles. Watching their children grow up right in front of their eyes has been one of the most amazing experiences of her life, but she would be lying if she said she didn't miss their tiny selves, following her around everywhere, talking in lisps and actually wanting to hold her hand.

"They said parenting teenagers is hard, but I never knew it would mean _this_ amount of heartbreak." He sighs.

Amy tries very, very hard to not roll her eyes. How would Jake react once the underage drinking and late night partying started? 

They are interrupted by eleven year old Emily, who has her mother's face and her father's sass. "Mom? Dad? I'm hungryyyyyyy!"

Amy throws her an apologetic smile. "Yeah, honey, just a minu-" 

But Jake, pushed into motion by the news of his daughter's hunger, is already on his way to the kitchen, banging pots and pans as he reheats their now-cold dinner, muttering under his breath as he works. Amy catches the words " _namesake_ ", " _ruined_ ", and " _how did this happen_ ".

"What's up with him?" Emily asks, bouncing up to Amy to take her father's place on her mother's lap.

(All of Jake and Jake's spawn agree that there is no comfier place in the world.)

Amy gives her a disapproving look for talking about her father like that, but the pigtailed, bright-eyed girl is wise beyond her age, not to mention, as cheeky as her older brother (who has currently been designated as his father's heartbreaker) is docile. 

Amy sighs, cuddling her daughter, kissing her on the top of her head. She would take all the cuddles she could before puberty took them away from her.

"Oh, you know. Today was supposed to be the best day of his life, the day he watched Die Hard with Mac for the first time, and Mac fell in love with it, and they talked about nothing else for the rest of eternity." 

Jake has been planning The First Viewing since the day McClane was born. Obviously, Jake has recounted the story of his favorite movie to all his kids, millions of times, but Amy had put her foot down at them actually watching it in its uncensored form, till they turned thirteen, atleast.

_"Violence! Language!" Amy said._

_"Cinematic brilliance! Bruce Willis! Christmas!!" Jake had tried to counter._

Emily gives her a confused look. "Yeah, and?"

"And, Mac didn't really like the movie..."

Emily at once catches on, eyes widening in understanding. " _Oh_." She shakes her head sympathetically. "...poor daddy." 

Amy chuckles, snuggling her daughter close. "I know, honey. I know. _You_ better like the movie though. I don't think his sweet little heart could stand rejection from _two_ of his kids."


	2. Coda

"It's the Peralta curse, I'm sure of it."

"Jake! It is _not_ the curse!"

"Then why-" 

"Are you asking me why human beings are entitled to their own opinions?" 

"He should have been born with Die Hard love in his _genes_!" 

"Maybe...he's not _your_ child then."

"Ha ha, Amy. He looks _exactly_ like me.

"Eh. He does, doesn't he? Except -."

" -the nose, yes. So that's not the problem. Believe me, I _have_ considered it!" 

"... _Jake_!!"

"You're _sure_ it's nothing to do with the curse?"

"Yes, honey, because there is _no curse_ -"

"But-"

"What curse?" 

"Mackie! Didn't see you there! Nothing, dad was just talking about some work stuff..."

"Work stuff? About curses? What-"

"You know what, Mac? I'll be honest. You not liking Die Hard is a curse-"

" _Jacob_!" 

"Urgh. Da- _ad_!"

"Listen, I just don't understand-"

"Dad! It's not bad, okay? It's just- it wasn't as good as the way _you_ tell it! I'd rather hear you narrate it than watch the movie."

"....you like listening to me tell the story?"

"Also, you don't see me complaining about how you don't like Finding Dory!"

"....just think Memento is better-"

"What? Anyway, dad, guess what! The new Mario game is releasing at midnight today! Can we stay up and play it?"

"Oh! Okay, sure, why not?" 

"Thanks dad, you're the best! I'm gonna go tell Levi and Malik- " 

"Jake, it's a school night!"

"He's a good kid, y'know-"

"I repeat, it's a _school night_ -"

"Actually, he's one of the best. Like, I know some _real_ brats-"

"It's _Sunday night_."

"But Mac is just so amazing!"

"Watch him being cranky in the morning because he hasn't slept-" 

"And he _did_ say he likes the Die Hard story, so-

"Mmhmm. _You're_ dealing with a sleep-deprived teenager tomorrow, not me."

"Anyway, it's probably Rosa's fault. All those Nancy Myers' films they've watched together..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, guys....I just couldn't resist!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> I'm sure Die Hard will grow on Mac soon enough! Till then, hang in there, Jake!


End file.
